“OMG, I never thought that we are going end up together.” Right? Hell yeah, me too. And, believe me, your new *roommate* also had no clue, that he is going to see your face every, every, every day. And the best part about it (let’s talk about boring everyday sex a little bit later) – quarrels. Oh yeah, who don’t love them? Pff!
How to solve problems when you are living together?
Pretty obvious, you can’t just go somewhere. Can’t ruin everything in the house, cry or swear out loud. Because people don’t forget such things, noo. They will remember how you ruined half of the kitchen and will keep remind you all the time. “You telling me that I’m not ok? Remember that time when we argued about…” Blah-blah. Here only amnesia and the new partner will help you. Nothing more. When you live together – it’s different. You need to control yourself much more
especially if you are a hysterical girl just like me.
So, you had a quarrel. A big one, a small one (“I hate when you don’t close the bathroom door!”). You don’t want to talk to each other, come on, you want to kill this nasty creature in front of you! It’s pretty easy and it happens, don’t feel yourself too bad. I don’t have a universal rule, but after years of trying I created somehow a guide for yourself, that helps to save your mood and relationships. It’s mostly for girls, but maybe they can be universal too. And if you are so pissed off that don’t want to deal with it – maybe the new partner is again a good decision. Otherwise…
1. Don’t remind him every moment you hated him and had your regrets about being together. Focus only on this problem, nothing more.
2. Give him and yourself a rest. You said everything you wanted to, try to keep calm now.
3. The most relaxing things are: books, music, tv, some stupid article with bright pictures. Try to focus on these first.
4. Going for a walk – for both of you – helps a lot. Really. And since my partner not fond of nature, I do it this way: we both quitted smoking, but after I don’t want to kill him so bad, I go outside with a cigarette. “Want to go with me?” Oh, every smoker wants to. So here we are – walking outside, looking at the sky, listening to the birds. One cigarette for two doesn’t change too much, but we have a real chance to think about everything. Together.
5. In half an hour, the problem doesn’t seem so bad. I don’t want to say nasty things, he neither.
6. We are home again. Usually, we just go to bed and here is the best way to finish the quarrel.
Sometimes you need to push yourself to do it, right. But it saves so much energy! You could go to bed crying, thinking about the end of everything, and how to be with kids etc. It’s not worth it. For me, it’s a gold rule – don’t go to bed in such mood, it spoils at least few days and a good sleep. Try to deal with it better.
Try to be wiser. Someone should be.